My issue.

So I have lots of issues but this is the one that effects me the most. It's my weight. I've had low self esteme since I was young. Stemming form being the youngest of 3 sisters, later to be part of the middle children when my mom had a baby when I was 6 years old. Having the 2 older sisters making fun of my chubbiness. My family calling me names that I will never repeat. They said them with love and they became normal, but they still hurt. Please keep in mind my family are jokesters and in no way meant to hurt me. If you talk to them about it now they totally understand and apologize and say "we didn't know". I know they didn't, so I don't hold it against them.

Moving forward, I was the nice girl and I hid my insecurities well throughout school and even after. When I got married my life changed. I had a husband who use to be overweight and is now considered lean. He knew what it was like to feel overweight but he never had to deal with the jokes. His weight affected him as well just not as long because he was only overweight for a short time.

Once we got married we started an excersise routine. Slow at first, we just walked our neighborhood, then we walked to the near by starbucks, then we joined a circuit gym. Once we joined the circuit gym I started to see results. So DH and I went 6 days a week for months. Then we decided it was to much and did 5 days. I worked out 5 days a week for 2 years. I lost 50lbs and was tone.

My self esteem sky rocketed. I felt good about myself. Confident in my choices in life, not wondering what people were thinking. When I got pregnant I continued to work out 5 days a week up until the last month where I went down to 3 days a week.

I was healthy and felt great. After the baby I was unable to work out for the standard 6 weeks. Then slowly I started to go the the gym again. This was a different gym because my wonderful circuit gym closed down. As much as I wanted to be fit again I couldn't get motivated. My life was all about my daughter and I could care less.

Soon, I stopped going to the gym and did home tapes. Then, the home tapes stopped and I was in "eff it" mode. My body was 27lbs over what I was when I got pregnant. I had to get out my fat clothes and even they became tight.

After all the complaining DH bought an elliptical for our house. I've been working out on it 3 days a week for a little over a month. I already see a difference, not a big one but it's there. I feel better and I'm enjoying it. The problem lies in the fact that the only time I have to work out is 5am.

Therefore if Nanie has a rough night I usually don't work out. Or if she wakes up to early and I need to watch her and can't fit in a workout in before work. DH is busy with his workout at 4:25am and then getting things ready in the morning so I would never dream of having him watch her. (he's such a superstar)

I've been so consistent up until this week. I did my 2 days and today was to be my third but Nanie woke up at 5:15 and wouldn't go back down. I hate being interrupted at the end of the week because it means a Saturday work out. I HATE Saturday work outs. It makes me NOT like working out and then it becomes a chore again rather then an opportunity.

So, please motivate me. Tell me to get my but up early tomorrow and get on that machine. I love the way it makes me feel, I just hate doing it on Saturdays. So in this long post I'm just complaining that I'm fat again and working on it and having a hard time getting motivated when I'm thrown of track.

::hangs head in shame::